I am honestly gratful for the 43 people following my website. It might not sound like a lot, but it definitely is to me..I just don't feel like I deserve it ;A;. I only did html a few times when I was younger so I have some catching up to do haha.. Anyway, thank you guys so much..I will continue to improve this website so it wont be such a mess ≧◡≦
I keep hearing about mother's day and it honestly depresses the hell out of me. A whole day about celebrating and honoring your mother..giving her gifts or even just telling her how much she means to you. I am very happy for the people who can do that..for me, that "horrid" day keeps popping up in my head. It still hurts even though it was while back, it's just something you can't get over. I just thought they would love me for who I am but I was so, so wrong. I was told I was going to burn in hell and so many other nasty things..then to never talk to them again. God, it stung so bad. Even though things have been a lot better for me, that scene still pops in my head a lot especially around this time of year..I kept blaming myself at first, why was I born like this? Why do I think like this? If God doesn't make people like this then why am I like this? For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. I got bullied quite a bit in school for it as well but it hurts so much more when your own family betrays you for something out of your control. It left an emotional scar on me..it took me forever to actually accept who I was because of it. This is most likely why having support or people even following my website means so much to me. It shows that people do care and appreciate you..and I appreciate the people who stick around on my messy website so so much ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡ Again, it means so much to me and I can't thank you enough whoever is reading this ❤️
My lucid dreaming attempts keep failing lately for some reason..I either just have a vivid dream or have sleep paralysis :/ lucid dreaming helps me a lot such as reducing my anxiety about the nightmares I would frequently have growing up and it helps me escape reality for a bit so I really want it to work ;A; Maybe tonight will be my lucky night..those sleep paralysis demons can eat my fuck tbh you are way too scary leave me alone >:(
Another day of playing various games with friends and my bf while in quarantine. I guess I will be doing this a lot for a while since I can't go back to work and I like hanging out with my friends and bf, even if it is online and they constantly tease me especially when we played the jackbox games..literally all the answers in quiplash were making fun of me and that one game where you make your own t-shirt.. the shirt that was a crudely drawn picture of me with the caption "E" won (literally everyone voted for that one except me) Why do I get roasted so much? ughhhh
Lately, I have been eating way too much junk food and my bf keeps telling me how it's going to "bite me in the ass" when I get older. He does have a point..I guess I just take it for granted because I am a scrawny person and I don't think it's going to affect me..some of it is apathy as well. I will do my best to be healthier..I don't want him to worry about me ;A;
So yesterday I had a six hour uno session on steam with 2 of my friends and my bf. I lost almost all of the games because they either skipped me or used the 4+ card on me -_- We were all talking about how much we wanted to go back to work, one of them would not shut up about how much they hate vice and buzzfeed, and my bf mentioned that KMFDM was playing with Ministry and Front Line Assembly at Atlanta in July and asked if it was ok if he got us tickets. God I would love to go..I haven't been to a concert since I was like..14?.. but again, I really don't want to be around so many people especially when corona is a huge threat. I told him I would think about it..The fuckers just had to mention my "matrix" phase I had when I was in high school and that I thought I was so badass because I was wearing a trenchcoat or a leather jacket all the time. God I hate myself sometimes ●︿●
I am also working on a tamagotchi page to keep track of all the tamagotchis and some of the merch I have collected the past decade and to talk about it some ≧◡≦ It might take a while because they are packed away and I have to make sure I didn't lose some of them
My room mate won't stop bugging me because I was crying while I was drunk over forgetting about cleaning the dishes. I don't care, drunk or not, I take that shit seriously. fuk off !!
I need to stop adding so much stamps to my stamp section but I keep finding so many good ones. Been trying to clean up my website some as well so it won't be such a mess, I have been thinking of ways to improve my front page to where it will show more than just my gifypet thingy but I don't know what else to put on there lol. Maybe I can start doing art again..? I dunno..I will think of something (─‿‿─)
I got a package through the mail today, I thought it was something I had preordered a while back but it was from one of my friends. It was..
A sans plushie, a broken cd, and a note saying he hoped I was feeling better and that I still need a haircut. I thought it was so weird for him to send it to me instead of giving it to me in person but I remembered we are in lockdown (even though I just visited another friend who lives like 5 minutes away oops). :/
I will thank him for the gift later lol
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how I used to be as a person and honestly, I was a very awful person..mostly around my teenage years. I was so edgy and I hated everyone because of my own problems like how I used to be so shy and I felt like no one understood me. I always sat in the back of the class and kept to myself and didn't even try to make friends. I was just..to put it simple.. a major asshole. I have wronged so many people back then too and I truly feel awful about it. I wish I could go back in time and change how I acted so badly. I mean I had people pick on me and stuff but I was an ass to the people that tried to help me. Hell, I even thought I was superior compared to everyone else..how embarrasing. I'm glad that I grew out of all of this but I still feel like shit because of it. Oh well, I can't do much about it since it was years ago. I guess I have always been a very flawed person
It's currently 11:00 PM and I am just laying here wishing I could cuddle with my bf ughhhh why does he have to live more than an hour away. Really want to see him asap （>﹏<）
I just ate a whole box of large pizza and drank almost a half a 2-liter of coke. Wow I feel disgusting.
Hey Tom, why the hell did you move out without letting me know? I didn't even get your framed picture, dickwad. I am convinced that my room mate and I need to move to another house or apartment. I can't even fucking play wii sports bowling without hitting my hand on the ceiling fan. God I hate wii sports >:((((
I have been doing nothing but sleeping and listening to music the past couple of days. That's all I really can do when I have a stomach virus..oh and occasionally drink some sprite to help settle my stomach a little (I've been told it helps but I couldn't tell a difference tbh) . I think I am doing better now, I still feel a little drained but I can finally eat some food like soup. Some of my friends and bf would call me every now and then to check on me, which was very nice, but I just didn't feel like talking at all so..I feel bad about that. I guess for now I will just maybe take a few sips of soda and hopefully I won't blow that everywhere ickk..
Oh, and it's 4-20. If I wasn't recovering from a goddawful stomach virus I would either smoke weed or take acid but I sure as hell am not doing that today x_x i know my friends are going to try to get me to get high with them but nope not today lol
Pretty sure I got a stomach virus, been throwing up all day @_@ i will try to limit how much i use the internet..i need rest lol
God, does anyone else hate getting so many facebook ads on Youtube? I hate getting them so much lol No wonder people put adblockers on their browsers. Well I use Brave which automatically blocks ads for me lol.
A friend of mine wanted me to try out last.fm and I fucking hate it so far. I made it to where it should track the music I listen to on spotify and no matter what I do it always says I never listened to anything. Oh and when I was at a friends house having pizza, I was about to say something and I burped instead. Wasn't even a small one, it was very loud -_- I wanted to die.
Ok, it's going to be really hard to save money when they just announced evangelion tamagotchis like I really fucking need that lol. I have been watching a lot of the OG Kamen Rider lately, the one from the 70's, it's so cheesy I love it.
Also, Dogma is one of the worst KMFDM songs imo, it's fucking trash and I don't get why so many people like it lmao. I like most of their stuff but that one is really hard to listen to. Xtort would be a 10/10 album if that or fairy wasn't on it tbh
Shoutout to my villager, Diana, for the garbage can she gave me 2 days ago. I will cherish it with all my heart and proudly show it off in my house.
Someone asked if I did acid everyday while I was at the store today. Rude, I don't every day..just once a week. ಠ◡ಠ
My last journal was a little too..out there. Sorry about that haha.. I just had a rough day.
I lost my earring last night so I am a little bummed about that haha. Still haven't been eating a whole lot lately, this nausea won't go away @_@
I have been slowly getting off my antidepressant medicine and it's making me feel sick..my stomach is killing me and feel so nauseous. I still hate staying at home all the time, I want to go out and actually do things.
I tried to make a tumblr account but I just didn't like it at all lol I guess it's the format? Don't get me started on the KMFDM tag, it's awful.
This also might be on a bit of a personal level, but my sister told me that a family member of mine is pregnant even though they already have a kid that they absoutetly can't take care of..always leaving it to over people. They don't want to get jobs or anything either..just mooching off the government. I would love to actually help take care of the baby but my family of course doesn't want anything to do with me because I am gay..sorry I can't control that. I have a boyfriend that I love very much, like it or not. Hell, there were even times where I wished I was straight because of my family. I think I have rambled enough now, I just feel bad for the baby. It's not a good environment for them. I will do my best not to drink myself to death tonight. I just wish things were different sometimes.
I found out from a co-worker that we will probably not come back to work until mid-may. G O D D A M M I T..I still have some money saved up and all and I had some friends give me money, but knowing that I will have to be a lot more careful with what I spend it on. Greg is helping out too, but I always feel like a moocher when people give me money or even help lol.
Starting to get back into my Tamagotchi and Digimon craze. I have a decent collection of tamagotchis, digimon, and some merch of the both of them but I don't have anywhere to put them..Mimitchi has always been my favorite and will always cherish the plush I have of them. My friends always thought it was weird that 24 year old man was into this stuff but oh well lol.
I wish they had the 1996 demo of Smack My Bitch Up on Spotify because I personally like that version better lol God I wish Keef was still here..
And Roomie, for the hundredth time, no..I am not getting a haircut stop asking lol
I almost burned the apartment down last night because I saw a huge cockroack on my desk..god I hate those things.
Oh and I didn't panic buy all those poptarts and cup noodles so you could eat it all.. G R E G. What the fuck, Greg.. get your own food lol. You don't see me eating all of your shit. I guess I will go back to the grocrery store later, if they don't have any more wild berry or blueberry poptarts I am going to blow a fuse. Well, nah, I would just be very upset lol
Just wanted to write this to say how grateful I am of my friends. I don't even think I would be here if it wasn't for them. Few years ago, I was disowned for something out of my control. My family, except my sister, wants nothing to do with me. I know this is more somber than the other stuff I write but it's just been on my mind lately. Well, it never leaves my mind but I feel like it has made me stronger in a way. If you are reading this, don't worry about me. I am fine. I just wanted to say how much my friends mean to me and how much they have helped me.
Anyway on a more positive note, we played those jackbox games almost all night and watched movies..though the movies some of them chose to watch were fucking weird like pink flamingos and lost highway..well, anything from David Lynch is weird af honestly.
Bought like 5 12-packs of coke and dr pepper so can have them for this ongoing pandemic. I have been trying to cut to 1 soda a day but it's very hard. And alcohol too..i just don't like hangovers at all.
A screwdriver or long island iced tea wouldn't hurt...right??
Anyway, Animal Crossing has been taking over my life lately. I need to get back into playing some other games like Mystery Dungeon, Doom, or Overwatch.
Finally got Graham to move out after ignoring him and time traveling. I try not to time travel too much because it can ruin the game imo but I just wanted him out lol. I have been trying to help my friend to get rid of a villager that they don't want, Shari, but I would gladly take them.
Oh and hangovers are the worst fucking thing on the planet
Been playing a shit load of animal crossing lately, named my island Dr Pepper because I couldn't think of anything else lol. I was lucky enough to get Diana very early in the game.
I tried listening to some of the music I listened to a lot in high school like KMFDM, Rammstein, Static X, Marilyn Manson.. etc. I like it still but it's something I can't listen to daily..